Carving the most inane thoughts in the darkest corners of the universe

Inevitable of course, but at least I tried, depending on your definition of tried.

Every word sounds empty, feels pathetic.

Is it my fault that I'm a loser, I sympathise with all the idiots, talentless hacks, the self-harmers, the emos and goths, the hipsters or perhaps I'm jealous that they are at least unfraid to be themselves. Even when they are trying to be something else.

I am boring, which is perhaps the thing about me that causes the most self-hatred and what is more boring than self-hatred.

What is a blog for, I'm talking to the void ultimately, especially with no audience.

Truth is aesthetically displeasing, aesthetic displeasure is truth

The world gets that little bit more horrible in my mind each time I realize a truth. That a politician will never break the mould, that promises of transperancy, honesty, integrity are impossible standards that no one can live up to, but they must make them to have a chance. That rape has nothing to do with sex drive and more likely comes from resentment over womens power, they call the shots and decided who and when, an inevitable result of evolution just as rape is which can result in a pregnancy just as easily. Although truth is limited by our current data and ability to interpret and understand data, a new truth might be realised and the world in my mind will change but always for the horrible and this is a truth that I cant see changing.

Following these messages

follow-

my lead

the yellow brick road

the white rabbit

that car

the lady

your heart

your dreams

the leader

the money

me on twitter?

Ode to Tea

Thick and black like crude oil

Sooth the aches from daily toil

Bubbling, steaming to the boil

Goodness from exotic soil

Mind full of mind

I've been embracing anxiety inducing thoughts in an effort to trigger the painful physical symptoms and enjoy them in a masochistic way. It may lead me further down the path of madness or allow me to engage in behavior I would otherwise avoid, most of which is useful sometimes even essential. The best case scenario is that the anxiety or the symptoms will reduce and I will fell less like I am dying after I talk to people.

I'm not sure when it got to the point that every word I spoke felt like a insult or offensive smell that exposed my secret disdain for the world and everyone in it. I don't want people to think I hate them and often I dont, but I often patronize people in everyday conversation. I stop thinking about thoughts and thinking about thinking about thoughts and speak with a filter and when the only compliments that stay with me are that I am smart or have good taste it is all I have.

I hate people because I hate myself, I cant forgive small mistakes or cruelties because I cant forgive my own stupidity.

I am not that smart though but very thoughtful (obsessively so) and knowledgeable. I assume other people are as 'smart' and talk about things they dont know about, this might make them feel stupid but if I realise and mention it explicitly how could they not or at least think of me as pretentious and self-absorbed/obsessed.

My hope for this season and for the special was that we would get to see the doctors clone/daughter again, there is only one more episode so that probably wont happen. The only important characters you might expect to still show up are the timelords, but there was a rogue time machine on the loose. Prisoner zero said "Silence will fall" but unless the atraxi are involved in the alliance and the destruction of the tardis it seems unlikely.

The best interpretation I can come up with is that the romans create the myth of pandora / amy pond and her box/jar is the pandorica. One myth recalls that the box is closed too late but that hope is trapped inside which the doctor represents. and that the box was closed too late. and it is later attributed to the greeks or deliberately design to give the impression.

It simply be symbolic of amy's character, a girl with no parents

This episode also gives possible context to the moment in "flesh and stone" when the doctor appears to amy wearing a jacket after leaving the area not wearing a jacket, asking her to remember what he said. This could suggest that their first meeting was for some reason wiped from existence and that was the only point that the doctor could cross his own timeline to get her to remember him.

"If something can be remembered it can come back"

This is not the first time that roman and greek legends were recalled, the doctor hunts the Graphais in van gogh episode with a mirror recalling peresus hunting medusa, the beast in the starship uk is atlas

Confusions of an Apatheist

The world is fucked and we are all fucked, except we are not and that is the most tragic thing. The earth will certainly go on no matter what we do to it and humans will find a way to survive even if billions end up dying and we have to live as scavengers, we are as bacteria, prepared to live in the most dire, disgusting and undignified way so long at it means being alive, we just have to redefine the word alive and we are so clever at that.

We know the concept "Too Big to Fail" is a myth yet we still apply it to human civilisation, confident that humanism and secularism will stand the test of time, that people will abandon foolish ideas like religion and superstition given enough time, but the worm can turn, has turned before and reduced knowledge and critical thought to ash and dust, through violence and disuse.

Outlaw religion, The opiate of the masses, it truly is a mind-altering drug, religion is often cited as the genesis of humanism or understanding and tolerance, but theocracies have created and create the worst totalitarian states, the most oppressive, it's the influence of great thinkers and philosophers chipping away at rock hard confidence by having their martyred body cast against it. From Plato to Galileo to Kurt Westergaard it is death from the believers and always rational thought fair trials and acceptance from the 'heretics', so our grip is always tenuous lest we crush or in anyway damage our own and other hard-fought for freedoms.

Yet the only conclusion we can and should make is that freedom from religion is as important as freedom for religion, we opiate shouldn't be illegal to abuse. The will of the individual to withdraw and self-harm is denied in the wake of moral indignation yet de-criminalization potential helps everyone, in the same way teaching people to think criticaly leads them to abandon tradition and myth rather than forcing them to betray comforting blind faith or at least in theory.

The Great Wit Hope

The new N-word is Navi

Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery but blackface is still offensive. How about blue face? If you paint your face blue and dress up like a cat-alien are you going to offend the fictional species you intend to honour? Humans invaded pandora, attempt to forcable relocated the Navi, destroy their life tree and attempt a violent geneocide, do you think they would be positively disposed toward humans then painting their face to look like them. They dont exist do I guess it doesn't matter, yet god doesn't exist but polish people can get locked up for blasphemy. Smurfs might get offended, do they have an advocacy group.

The really interesting question that avatar raised, for me, concerned the Navi being the only race left and only having one religion. Now consider that Navi is four letter, two syllables, basicaly it is Nazi with one letter difference in fact vwxyz, it's four letter away in the alphabet, is Cameron warning us about the dangers of peace and harmony and living close to nature? That homogeneity can only be the result of a hidden past that included systematic genocide. I guess we'll never know unless avatar 2 is a prequel.

Video Game Body Count

God of War 3

I played God of War quite a while after gow2 came out and loved it and played 2 after that and loved it. I even had time to play through 2 on titan mode and I was still waiting for 3, then I played god mode on 1, got the psp game, played the highest difficulty on that, then I did all the challenges for all three and I was still waiting.

Well it was worth it. They managed to cram so much into that game that I might actualy make use of the arena that requires hours of frustration and incredible luck to unlock. Four weapons, all of them useful, three items all tools and weapons and magic linked to each weapon and wings with a new evade and a new rage. The only implementation I didn't like was that the best magic was linked to the weak weapons and was unchangeable and the rage was short-range and seemed underpowered. Also unskippable cut scenes, shouldn't happen in a game of this caliber.

Now it's time for a Chaos play through, cant wait to face those satyrs.

Face for radio (personality for Blogging)

And the Geeks shall inherit the lifelong psychological scars

I am torn between wanting to be known and wanting to be ignored. I am driven to write like any self-absorbed, child of the eighties, with an artistic bent and think my words are worthy of attention and praise. I am also a child of schoolyard violence and ridicule with enough neurosis to keep me hating all human kind and yet craving it's approval.

So why have I created this?